It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
