it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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