I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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