my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
