we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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