Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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