evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
