I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
