Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the condom got lost in my hair
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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