Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
