Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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