Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
