FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
