The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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