Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
