Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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