White coat. Heels.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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