he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
