I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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