he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
