i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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