I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
