I want to stick my p in your. b.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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