My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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