I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
