Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
