I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
