Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
