It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
These tits shall not be calmed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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