Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he fucked my hip out of place.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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