I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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