I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
