My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
