Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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