I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize