a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
