Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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