get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
