hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
