When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
