I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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