i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
