since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
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