People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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