Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
