he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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