Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
