I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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