It's like God shit irony all over that family
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
