i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
