I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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