At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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