idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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