We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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