this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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