She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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