I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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