we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This house was built for laser tag.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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