you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
