I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
