if i can run in heels then i can drive
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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