How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
