If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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