You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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