why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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