So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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