Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
being pregnant is like rehab
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
