i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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