On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
