dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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