Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize