Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
