Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
