Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
