Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
