I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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