know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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