i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
