Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
