thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
